Saturday, August 13, 2011
Im completely stuck, it is a bit lengthy, but i could do with you help?
Hiya okay heres the deal. Iv been with my boyfriend for a few months now, so i suppose things are still new i guess but its been long enough to start to settle in a routine type of thing. Anyways, i keep finding myself comparing our relationship to everybody elses i know because i feel like im missing out on so much. He has never told me the entire time our of relationship that 'i look nice today' or that hes excited to see me or anything like that. I know it sounds kind of pathetic but i really need to feel im wanted sometimes. I know he finds it hard to have like a heart to heart in person so iv tried messaging him so he can like find the words better, but then he doesnt even reply back saying he doesnt know what to say. He never arranges anything with me its always me intiating, even kisses hello, im always coming to him for them. Thing is i have tried SO many times telling him that i need silly little compliments, just a little effort on his part, even just a hug sometimes but its not going through. Hes either doing it on purpose or just isnt catching on. Theres just no effort on his part ever and it im finding it so hard to just find the will sometimes, i really do feel like im all on my own. A few weeks ago, i got so worked up i ended up just walking away saying we should just call it a day because im putting too much into this relationship, way to much and getting nothing back. He started begging me straight away that he really didn't want things to end at all, that this is all kind of new to him. He just kept saying please dont leave me, repeating it and telling me he'll treat me the way i deserve, which is reuring i guess, him promising me he would try just a little bit more. But to no avail. I dont need to see him every day, or talk to him 24/7 i just need to know that he's happy with me maybe. He says its obvious he is, but if he acts miserable sometimes, never tells me or shows it, how can it possibly be obvious? Im not smothering or mively insecure or in need of a man to tell me i look pretty everyday, thats not the case at all, its hard to explain i just like to feel needed, want to be made to feel important once in a while. So we had another 'heart to heart' last night, or should i say i did, he was silent on most part. He kept mentioning about how im moving away to leeds in half a year, for this job promotion iv been offered, saying its always on his mind, and i understand it must be difficult to accept, i know it would be on my part, but 6 months is a long time away and im enjoying things now rather than worrying about what will happen in months time. I just dont understand what i should do, because i feel so strongly for him, the idea of moving away does frustrate me sometimes, but i still enjoy being with him so much. Sorry for this mive rant, but im in pergatory here, im completely stuck with this guy who is finding it impossible to show me he wants me, im just begging for some affection and im just getting empty promises. If he acts like he doesnt care why wont he let me just walk away? Im so tired of trying, im starting to feel like im expecting way to much and maybe iv had it wrong for so long. Do i stay and hope for the best or what? I want to but i can't keep feeling this miserable.
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